5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche

I arrived at ‘5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche’ with no clear expectations - aside from the sense that, with a title like that, it wouldn’t be a typical night at the theatre. What followed was far more than I anticipated: a sharp, absurd, and unapologetically funny production that managed to be both wildly entertaining, unexpectedly heartfelt and totally unforgettable.

Before stepping into the theatre, I was given a name tag that read ‘Martha.’ Looking around, I saw that everyone else had one too, each with a different woman’s name. We were newly inducted members of the Susan B. Anthony Society for the Sisters of Gertrude Stein, gathered for their delightfully bizarre annual Quiche Breakfast.

The play follows five women gathered for their beloved annual quiche competition when a sudden nuclear alarm traps them in a bunker. As the 70-minute, single-act play unfolds, polished exteriors crack and hidden truths surface. What begins as a crisis becomes a moment of liberation, as secrets are revealed, conventions fall away, and each woman embraces her true identity.

Vern was the ‘mother hen’ of the group, a practical and grounded presence with a nurturing side. Demure yet glamorous, she kept things running smoothly and brought just the right touch of mischief. From the moment she stepped on stage, she stood out as confident and composed, fully in control. She had a quiet magnetism, holding the audience’s attention with steady eye contact and an elegant stillness. A wonderful character, brilliantly portrayed - she struck a flawless balance between strength and warmth.

Wren embodied the idealized charm of 1950s domesticity - polished, composed, with a graceful poise and a dazzling, ever-present smile. She delivered every line with bright, unwavering cheerfulness, reinforcing the illusion of effortless perfection. Her movements were precise and intentional, and each word carried the weight of carefully maintained control. With sharp comedic timing and wonderfully expressive features, her facial expressions added an extra layer of wit and charm to every moment on stage.

Dale, the historian, was brilliantly characterized and fully embodied her character from beginning to end. She captivated the audience with her innocent, sweet, curious, and gently tentative demeanour, gradually revealing some of the most unexpected and deeply moving moments in the play. Her childhood monologue was profoundly emotional, and her final act was bold, courageous, and delightfully quirky, leaving the audience both stunned and laughing.

Lulie was stern and tightly wound, a stickler for order who clung to structure with near-military precision. Her facial expressions and body language spoke volumes - every sharp glance, clenched jaw, and stiff movement revealing the effort it took to keep herself in check. Despite her composed exterior, it was clear she was holding on to something deeply emotional. When she finally opened up, her unexpected revelation brought a new twist that changed everything. Her performance was a masterful blend of tension, timing, and razor-sharp comedy.

Ginny was a total scene-stealer. Straight out of Manchester with that unmistakable accent and a wicked sense of humour, she had us all howling within minutes of meeting her. She had a heart of gold, no filter whatsoever, and a wildly entertaining knack for getting everything just slightly wrong. Her enthusiasm was wildly over the top in the best possible way. The highlight of the night, without question, was when she hurled herself face-first into the prize-winning quiche like a woman on a mission. No warning, no utensils - just pure, quiche-fuelled mayhem.

The show was fast-paced and full of energy, never losing momentum for a moment. In a single act, it delivered a whirlwind of cheeky innuendo, sharp wordplay, profound confessions, and delightfully absurd situations. And somehow, beneath all the laughter, it managed to say something real - about fear, identity, repression, love, and the longing to belong.

The sound and lighting were professional, perfectly setting the mood. The costumes were a standout - stylish and spot-on for the era, with every detail from prints to accessories bringing the characters to life. The props, especially the realistic quiches, added a perfect touch of authenticity and humour.

The direction was clear, confident, and full of intention. Every movement and moment felt purposeful, with a strong sense of pacing and tone throughout. The staging allowed each performer to shine while keeping the ensemble energy tight and focused. It was evident that the director had a clear vision and brought out the very best in the cast.

There were several moments that I absolutely adored. The sisterhood anthem, sung with such beautiful, flawless harmonies. The audience shouting “I am a lesbian” together was a bold, electrifying moment of unity. Marjorie showing up without a quiche and instantly becoming the star of some hilarious, good-natured teasing and finally that unforgettable ‘splattering on the window’ scene - completely hilarious and impossible to forget.

Individually, each actor was absolutely amazing, but as a group you blew me away - five incredibly talented ladies working together flawlessly. Well done to each and every one of you. I had tears of laughter and couldn’t stop smiling throughout the entire performance. Your chemistry was electric, and the way you played off each other brought so much energy and heart to the show. It was a joy to watch from start to finish. Thank you for such a wonderful evening. I’m so grateful to have been invited - it was hilarious and full of pure joy. Huge congratulations to everyone involved in such a fantastic production.

© NODA CIO. All rights reserved.