Dirty Dusting

Dirty Dusting is a comedy play written by Ed Waugh and Trevor Wood which is often described as ‘comedy Viagra’ and as the play progressed, we quickly realised why! Directed by Tony Jacques, Sutton & Tennyson Amateur Repertory Society have been performing to capacity audiences with their risqué production proving that sex certainly sells. 

Our three ladies, Gladys (Joanne Bowen), Elsie (Ann Knott) and Olive (Debbie Hulks) work as cleaners at Kum Kwikly Transport Agency, and discover to their distress, that their jobs are being replaced by an agency and their job titles renamed ‘Environmental Hygiene Operatives.’ The worst blow is they need not re-apply for their jobs as anyone over 65 was excluded from applying. 

Faced with an uncertain future, they reminisce fondly about the good old days of their youth, and we learn more about their backgrounds.  Elsie is a bitter, forthright divorcee with a death obsession, who uses sarcasm like a scalpel and provides some of the funniest one-liners in the show.  Olive, a widow whose husband was a former magistrate, is a strait-laced former guide leader and a stickler for rules and reputation, and Gladys is naïve sweet-natured and married to Billy with a less than adventurous sex life. 

Following a wrong number, where the caller asked for ‘Lucious Lucy’, the ladies have an inspiration for a money-making enterprise – a sex hotline calling themselves the ‘Telephone Belles’ inspired by Olive singing the 1977 song ‘Telephone Man’ by Meri Wilson.

Their Supervisor, a very smug Dave Smith arrives (Andy De Renzi) who teases the ladies mercilessly about replacing them with ‘younger models’ calling them ‘the Jurassic park shift’ and making harsh stereotypical references to their age.  

Following Dave’s tirade, the ladies are resolute in their decision and rename themselves: Olive becomes Pandora later renamed Marilyn, Elsie is Kylie and Gladys is Madonna.  Uptight Gladys is still unsure about the whole situation especially when one client asks for ‘water sports’ and Elsie gives her a quick lesson in sexual jargon. 

Elsie places an advert in the newspaper stating ‘satisfaction guaranteed you will come back again’ unfortunately the last two words were omitted …. which unsurprisingly makes their new business venture VERY popular particularly with gentlemen of a certain age!

Most of the humour stems from the hilarious banter between the ladies and their invisible clients especially one about a hamster with an incredulous Elsie asking, ‘aren’t they frightened of the dark?’ As the ladies gain more confidence, they open-up about their own sexual experiences and we discover exactly who lit Olive’s campfire and the identity of the mysterious Scooby Doo.

The finale was a rendition of ‘Telephone Man’ with lots of euphemistic lyrics I also liked Sooty making his appearance. 

Good strong performances from all the ladies who ensured that their delivery made every punchline land perfectly to maximum humorous effect.  Ann Knott played Elsie with a lilting Welsh accent which she maintained throughout and showed a good rapport with the other girls delivering her risqué lines with a firm tongue in cheek and poker face.  Debbie Hulks was the uptight former guide leader worried about her reputation and drawing a very firm line at role playing as a guide for her clients.  She had expressive facial responses to the ladies’ banter and her disclosure about Arthur, the scout leader who gave her sexual awakening following her husband’s refusal in that area, was well performed.  Joanne Bowen was wonderful as the wide-eyed innocent Gladys. I loved her hilarious transformation finally loosening her inhibitions which she used to maximum effect at home with Billy featuring a host of euphemisms about their sexual exploits that shocked even the liberal Elsie. 

Andy as Dave was, I felt, a little too old for the part of ageist Dave but still managed to get across the generational gap with a host of vicious verbal attacks on the elderly.  You could hear an audible gasp from the audience when he suggested ‘anyone over retirement age should be euthanised’, so it was poetic justice when he got his comeuppance with a faulty back-firing vacuum cleaner. 

Due to the production having to be performed at different venues, the set was a simple table with three different coloured 80s vintage telephones, one for each Belle, this ensured consistency and ease of setting up in each location.  Around the stage were various posters and health and safety notices as per an office environment and a brightly coloured advertisement for the ‘Telephone Belles’ with a very suggestive telephone number.  

I liked the individual touch for each lady with their own personal mug: Elsie had a skull to reflect her death obsession; Olive had Minnie Mouse and Gladys a Tetley Tea man. Dave had a large vintage mobile phone and briefcase and plaque with his name on.  There were lots of references to 80s icons such as Arthur Negus, Bananarama and Sooty.  Sound effects were timed well for telephones rings, and the explosion was effective with billowing smoke.

Costumes were in keeping with the theme with the ladies initially in cleaner’s aprons (with appropriate paraphernalia of dusters and mops), Olive wore a name badge and her glasses around her neck on a chain. I particularly liked Gladys’ curlers in her hair under her headscarf, a reflection of her own self-image.  Their costumes changed in keeping with their growing confidence and I loved Gladys dressed as Madonna complete with conical corset and her sleek modern bob hairstyle later on as her confidence grew.  

Well done Tony Jacques for your deft direction ensuring a brisk pace to line delivery and good strong, characterisations. I expect there were quite a few rehearsals to get the giggles out for some of those lines. Congratulations to the trio of telephone belles for staying poker faced throughout with their dead pan delivery of lines that would make a sailor blush!

Thank you for the warm welcome from the front of house team and to Chris and Jane Flanagan for looking after us.  It was a pleasure to chat with Tony afterwards and meet some of the cast to discuss their performance.  I look forward to your next production. 

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