Sand Castles

An Englishman’s home is his castle, and so is his Beach Hut, to be defended at all costs against interlopers particularly if they are not the ‘right’ kind of people.  This is the central theme of the comedy play ‘Sand Castles’ written by Bob Larbey, who is better known as the writer of the popular sitcoms ‘The Good Life’ and ‘Ever Decreasing Circles’ both starring the late Richard Briers. 

Under the direction of Nigel Guilliatt (in his directorial debut) and Assistant Director/ Stage Manager Charlotte Shearsby, Sleaford Little Theatre set design team have transformed the stage into a snapshot of a traditional British seaside scene complete with seagull sound effects, real sand and a row of three candy-striped beach huts.  

Each Beach Hut has its own distinct personality. ‘Sandy Shore’ is immaculately painted red with a red and white striped door, ‘Sea View’ ‘is green with striped green and white door, but the middle one is looking a little worse for wear, its yellow paintwork peeling and the letters from its name ‘The Lookout’ have dropped down, the door is also splattered with seagull droppings. 

We first see the owners of the red beach hut, a middle-aged couple, William and Margaret Patterson (played by David O’Brien and Linda Mallett) who are starring across onto an imaginary beach below.  William, using a pair of binoculars, is excitedly watching a small child being washed out to sea on a shark inflatable and is almost disappointed for it to be rescued by its mother.  They are joined by a man (Ralph Mundy) clad entirely in khaki, using a metal detector to scan the beach, who admits ruefully, he will probably never find anything of real value but does it for the ‘thrill of the chase.’

William and Margaret banter like a couple completely relaxed with each other, after many years of marriage.   I liked the way David’s character was over-polite using words as a weapon.  Their wooden beach chairs and blue and white china mugs, show that they are from a better class, even Margaret insists on wearing a dress rather than beachwear.  They comment that the middle hut has been empty for three years then settle down together to read their books in their peaceful idyll. 

Their peace is rudely disrupted however, by a woman looking for her kite.  This is Mrs Penfold (Amanda Grant) a formidable woman with a chip on her shoulder about the elite Beach Hut owners located in the ‘posh bit.’  She bitterly claims they are ‘looking down’ on her which, as William eruditely points out from their lofty ‘topography’ at the top of the cliff - they are.  A veiled reference foreshadowing the upcoming class struggle which will shatter the Beach Hutters secluded paradise. 

The next beach hut owners to arrive, the loud and brash Billets. Stan (played with pretentious perfection by Kei Bailey), his flashy ‘nouveau riche’ wife Bernice (played by Laura Davies) her self-conscious sister (Kelly Warren) and Stan’s miserably sardonic father (played with pitch perfect grumpiness by Tony Gordon.)   I loved the little details of Kei’s costume reflecting his personality using clip-on sunglasses, pastel coloured beach wear and socks with sandals and his father’s formal dress of jacket, tie and flat cap which he later swaps for a sunhat.   

Already we have a clash of personalities, with the tactful Pattersons reluctantly accommodating their younger, louder, lower-class neighbours who they holiday next to every year.  I loved the frequent looks of disdain on Margaret’s face especially when Bernice chose sparkling white wine instead of a cup of tea, and Stan laughing at his own toe-curling jokes and bizarre comments.

Apparently, this area is very popular, as more interlopers spoil their privacy.  Firstly, Ian (Russ Hopkin) a slightly nervous student type who is oblivious to the beach politics and just wants to sit on his towel and enjoy the view, is soon given short shrift by Stan.  Then a further invader, Mrs Newman (Karen Lamming) whose squealing desperate children need the toilet prompting an exasperated Stan to note ominously that his little world is obviously coming under attack from the ‘riff raff’.

Worse is yet to come however, as news reaches the Beach Hutters that the middle, derelict hut has not been sold to new owners but, horror of horrors – rented!  The new Beach Hutter arrives, the laid-back ladies’ man Doug (Craig Pakes) accompanied by two young ladies Debs and Becky (Noah Glenn and Emilia Waudby in her debut production with the society) and carrying an enormous inflatable, who notes disdainfully ‘it’s no bigger than a garden shed’ setting Stan seething.  

With the enemy now within the gates, Stan puts his plan to keep his own area sacrosanct by creating a ‘wall’ deterrent made of plastic pot plants.  Stan has met his match however as all his intimidation tactics fall on deaf ears, much to Stan’s father’s glee, who delights in his son’s discomfort and Pauline’s re-ignited interest in the opposite sex, who wastes no time in chatting up Doug. 

Kei as Stan played the part wonderfully, his exasperation building with each new attack on his own personal Utopia, some even coming from his own family.  Laura as Bernice was perfect as his wife flaunting her expensive tastes and husband’s wealth through designer beach wear, flashy gold jewellery and picnic hampers from Fortum and Mason.  She even had touches of Hyacinth Bucket pronouncing Billet as Billet in an effort to appear posher. 

However, things are stirring down below, as a furious Mrs Penfold reappears threatening the pompous Stan with revenge which will be delivered in spades leaving Stan whirling in paranoid fantasies of what she meant and more ominously what she might do to threaten his perfect world.  This further tarnished by one of Doug’s nieces asking about going ‘topless’.  Stan’s horrified reaction to this announcement was hilarious. 

After the interval, the curtain rises on a hilarious sight.  A shoddy coloured windbreaker has been erected and sitting in front of it are our rebellious trio – Mrs Penfold, Mrs Newman and Ian all happily enjoying their new view of the beach from their new lofty position and lying in wait for the unsuspecting Beach Hutters.  So, we enter a hilarious class war that has been simmering from the beginning, resulting in the kind of passive aggressive one-up-manship which the up-tight British do so well.  

I loved all the characters as they played out their parts in the unfolding drama, but special mention to Amanda Grant as Mrs Penfold. Flying the flag for inclusion and equality, she was wonderful refusing to budge as she taunted the horrified Stan and the other Beach Hutters, while egging on her fellow rebels.  

Kelly Warran as Pauline was a delight, and it was lovely to watch her transformation from an overshadowed sister, hurt by love, blossoming into a confident flirtatious woman who bags her perfect man, a polar opposite to her pretentious sister. Her digs at her overbearing brother-in-law were very funny.

Tony Gordon as Mr Billet was a definite highlight, taking a character, who in the script is supposed to be female, and creating a grumpy cantankerous old git with a sarcastic catch-phrase of ‘I know’ - outwardly hating every minute of the trip while taking a vindictive pleasure in every excruciating second. His comic timing and interactions with his daughter in law were very well done and you got a hint of their relationship away from the holiday – probably a reason poor Bernice drinks so much!  His random interjections were delivered with a twinkle in his eye. 

Craig as Doug was another well observed character gentle and unaffected, not flashing his wealth around like the attention-seeking Billets.  I loved his interactions with Stan delighting in his increasing anxiety when his usual bullying tactics didn’t work.  He had a gravitas of calm while dealing with the rebels, which was the key to finally breaking the impasse seeing, through the humour of the situation. 

The Pattersons were also played well.  Linda Mallett was lovely as the patient polite Margaret doting on her husband William, even allowing some mild flirting with the nubile nieces and her interactions with the Billets was just on the right side of snobbishness.  Her hand holding and gentle touches showed beautifully a woman who bore a terrible secret about her partner’s declining health.

William himself, David O’Brien, was a bemused observer of the unfolding chaos surrounding him almost relishing in the drama.  His interactions with his wife were wonderfully touching and his dealings with the awful Mrs Penfold showed his status in the hierarchy opting to bamboozle her with jargon rather than dropping to her level. I also liked his sweet relationship with the nieces enjoying their attentions. His obvious relief at the departure of the Billet’s was very funny especially when his wife suggests staying on another week!

Laura and Kei were fantastic as the awful Billets with Bernice drinking copiously to help her to enjoy her holiday and deal with her awful father-in-law.  Kei was wonderful as the blustering Stan fighting for his little bit of paradise while battling his own wife’s sarcasm and his father’s constant put downs.  Kei coming out of the Beach Hut with a large black bag of empties was hilarious with Bernice noting it’s ‘mostly mineral water.’  I loved the compassion Bernice shows for her sister as she finally lets her pretence slip. Stan at the end, organising and ordering everyone around in his green cagoule and carrying his clipboard, showed he had not learned anything from his experience.  His repeated ignored invitations to visit him at Peterborough were exquisitely embarrassing as were the awkward farewell kisses with the Patterson’s.

Costumes, props and set were all in keeping with the beach theme and I liked the use of the beach huts as entrances and exits using a hidden space at the back concealed by a black curtain.  All the props were carefully chosen to reflect the status of the characters especially pop-up beach chairs, beach towels and beach paraphernalia.  I was delighted real liquids in the bottles of sparkling white wine and hot steaming tea in the thermos adding an extra realism to the production. The set was brightly lit to emphasise the sunny beach weather and the backdrop showed sand dunes and blue skies a typical British beach setting. 

It was a delight to meet director Nigel and Joanne Moules as front of house greeter, before and after the show and meet some of the cast.   Well done Nigel for extracting all the humour from this well-written situation comedy script, there were definite hints of some of Larbey’s other characters echoing through the storyline and the change to Stan’s father was very well done. 

I am also pleased to confirm that the colourful programme fulfils all the necessary criteria and will be entered into next years’ programme competition. 

Thank you for another lovely welcome to your delightful little theatre, David and I always enjoy coming to see your shows. 

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