No Sex Please We're British

Well, this was a blast from the past and very much part of an era from my student days in London. Despite being panned by the critics at the time it was incredibly popular with the theatre going public, running for sixteen years in London’s West End from 1971- 1987, incorporating 6761 performances and becoming the longest running comedy in British theatrical history. It tells the somewhat implausible story of a newly married couple, a bank manager and his wife who live over the bank and who think they’ve ordered Swedish glassware but instead are deluged in unwanted pornography. There then follows two hours of manic attempts to dispose of postcards, books and dodgy films from under the noses of: his boss, his interfering mother, a bank inspector and a police superintendent. I confess I never saw the West End original and have only seen it once before a couple of years ago in course of my NODA duty. So how does it fare fifty years on?

The rather well-done set by Stage Manager Clive Pattle with Andrew Peters, David Masterson, Sue Lucas and Jenny Vass was the living room of the couple’s flat and took you straight back into the 1970’s with its vivid psychedelic yellow and brown offset concentric circle wallpaper on the rear wall. The furniture was a sofa - very seventies, a coffee table, a desk behind the sofa and small collapsible drinks table. This set, as with any good farce had quite a few exits and entrances, to stage right was the spare bedroom and the study being through the blacks and an actual front door, complete with intercom leading to the bank downstairs. To the rear was the kitchen with a prominent serving hatch with a comedic mind of its own which opens the action. To stage left was a real door to the couple’s bedroom and exits through blacks to the upstairs and the bathroom.

The static set was well lit by Andrew Peters and all the sound cues perfectly on time were by David Masterson.

Uncredited, but some of the costumes were also very well sourced, especially the retro outfits worn by Eleanor are definitely worth a mention. And appropriate makeup by Bryony Mountfort completed the 70’s look.

The newly wedded couple, Samantha Falder and Graham Virgo as Francis and Peter Hunter were well matched if a little more diverse in age than the description in the programme. Graham captured the character of Peter, a professional man, looking to further his career by entertaining his manager and Samantha, the new bride perfectly encapsulated the exasperation of having her mother-in-law descend upon her new home. Their desperation got more manic by the scene as the parcels kept arriving and the tired body language of running up and down stairs to the hired van was particularly well done.

Melanie Dummer absolutely nailed the interfering mother, Eleanor Hunter to a tee. Her character’s dominating, self-assured, upwardly mobile, snobbish personality providing some of the best comedic moments as she moved in uninvited for the duration. My favourite throwaway line, ‘I sure it’s got colder since we switched to centigrade,’ was just one of many superbly delivered by her throughout the show.

Joe Mountfort was the hapless bank employee and put upon friend, Brian Runnicles, who played this so straight, with a wonderfully downmarket dour accent, it was a delight of comedic acting to watch. He just brought a smile to your face as you waited for his every line. I don’t know if it was deliberate, but I just loved the moustache half hanging off his face when he put on his ‘disguise’ and making no attempt to replace it.

Fed Hammett was suitably stern Leslie Broomhead, Peter’s boss at the bank, whose true secrets were eventually uncovered. Good little secondary plot with his relationship with Eleanor as they go out on a date.  

Colin Caroll gave us a straight down the middle Superintendent Paul, with a flexible attitude to viewing the porn with his colleagues that is discovered on the back of a truck delivering items to a church bizarre, but mistaken by Brian for one on its way to the local tip.

The scene that sticks in the mind for a long time after this show is Jon Mountfort as bank inspector Arnold Needham, drugged to the eyeballs, pyjama bottoms round his knees being held up by Peter and Francis as they try to try to keep him shut in the spare room and away from the unfolding chaos. It was a comedy scene to be savoured.

Our two little, scantily clad ‘harlots,’ Susan and Barbara played by Hannah Ginnetta and Amy Lovat added to the frivolous fun chasing round the stage with a rubber truncheon.

And probably the only straight person in the play was Jenny Vass as the postman and receptionist.

Although very much of its time, this was certainly good fun and Director Craig Smoothy had done a well drilled job with his actors to get the characters just right for this 20th century period piece. There were some very funny moments and well delivered gags.  Unfortunately, occasionally letting the pace down with quite a few prompts, especially in the second half. Farce is to me a bit like panto, its almost impossible to go over the top, as frenetic pace is an essential ingredient, but with such an outdated and implausible plot I not sure in the third decade of the 21st century whether making it any more frenetic would actually have improved it.

Well done to Craig Smoothy, his cast and crew, they definitely gave this their all and the audience certainly laughed all the way through, and we were sent home with big smiles on our faces.  Shame it was only on for two performances after all that hard work though! It deserved a bit more.

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